Category Archives: Writing

I have found my mittens!

Image of small cat wearing mittens. Caption is 'Behold! I found my mittens, now I shall have some pie'

This nursery rhyme reminds me of being a child. I didn’t ever wonder about the correlation between mittens and pie – it made perfect sense to me that you weren’t allowed to have the nice thing (I assumed it was a sweet pie, like rhubarb or blackberry) until you had found the thing that you had misplaced. I do remember wondering how the kittens were going to eat their pie wearing woolly gloves… clearly, I had a streak of pragmatism even then!

At this point, I have to tell you that I had written a paragraph about the nature of loss and foundingness.* I stopped to have some toast, re-read it, and thought, ” Well, that’s a load of navel gazing rubbish.” My actual thoughts were a bit more sweary than that, but you get the gist. I’ve always shied away from personal blogging, simply because I don’t want to be perceived as a self – obsessed show off (Oh look, there’s that West of Scotland thing again). So I deleted it…

What I did find during the process of writing was that I find writing quite therapeutic. The actions of choosing my words, crafting the structure of the piece, the editing and rewriting – I had forgotten just how much pleasure I derive from these. And right now, having that option to edit is very useful. When I’m tired, my words just…disappear. I turn into an inarticulate, idiotic numpty. But writing allows me the time and space to find these words. My words. And this makes me feel…whatever the opposite of a numpty might be.

Let’s bring this back to the blog title: I was at risk of going down that navel gazing path again, and nobody wants that! Sometimes with MS I feel like I’ve lost myself, and I base that on what I can’t do any more. It seems that I’m not lost…I’m still here. And I’ve found something that I didn’t realise was missing: my love of writing.

Last bit: I’ve not suddenly had a massive epiphany regarding my life direction. Oh no. I’m not that annoyingly cheerful. Not until I’ve had several coffees anyway. I’m having a good couple of days, and I’m learning to appreciate them for what they are. Tomorrow, I might have to hold onto the walls to stagger around my house, and that’s fine too. Those kittens found their mittens, and although they’re going to find it a bit difficult to eat their pie with gloves on, the pie is back on the agenda. Assuming they’ve eaten their vegetables first…

*foundingness: yes, I know this isn’t actually a word, but I still can’t think of the noun that comes from the verb ‘to find.’ It might come back to me.